Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
