the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
