I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
