you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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