so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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