I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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