I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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