i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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