So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
