from now on my penis is your penis
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Randomize