i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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