We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
