It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I've blown a few things in my day
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Randomize