did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
