I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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