She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
