two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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