my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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