They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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