I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She even gives head with a lisp.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
