kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
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I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
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No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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