I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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