You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
