Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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