Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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