Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
