Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Is it because I queefed?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
