The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
