CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
