East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I just pynch a tree in the face
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
