quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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