sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
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If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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