It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
