I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
