R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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