you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
