He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
