He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
