2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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