took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
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They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
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I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
His nipple licking is glorious
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