I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
