I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize