I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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