If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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