Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
