My friends, they love my intelligence
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
