there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
