i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
