Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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