So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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