Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
