never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
