Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
