How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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