He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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