We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
