ugly people sure do ruin things
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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