After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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