Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
