I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
